Implosion On Granite Avenue Rocks Town
Last friday an earth shattering boom echoed through the town on 5th and Granite
Street, apparently another of the experiments gone bad that have claimed the
lives of so many in recent times. Sources say that about 5pm, wild cursing
and yelps of pain came from the residence of one Winthrop the Astute. Yellow
smoke began to pour from his home, and a neighbor in an upstairs apartment
claims to have seen him dancing around with his pants on fire. Shortly
thereafter a breeze came up from nowhere towards the house. It increased in
speed and some witnesses say that a vortex opened up above his home. With an
ear-splitting noise, the house crushed in on itself until nothing was left of
it. It left a crater where his house had stood. Evidence is scant, due to
the fact that there is no rubble, and some of the best witnesses seem to have
gotten sucked into the vortex themselves.
Authorities say that they suspect that Winthrop was conducting experiments in
his home, clearly in violation of city zoning ordinances. When will this
madness end, I ask? Isn't it enough for us to put up with the east end factories
and the foul-smelling smoke they produce? I say it's time we stood up to the
wizards of this town and draw a line in the sand. We cannot allow them to put
us in danger like this. We at the Times encourage your comments on this
issue. Write us today. One submitter each week will recieve a Guilly
magimotive bike for the best sound-off letter. We look forward to hearing
from you.
Duchess Falina to Remarry
Falina, the Duchess of Hanesbury, announced to sources that she would remarry
soon. Rumor has it that she will wed the magimotive giant Kanrikk Shershber
of Basilisk Magimotive, makers of the Deathgaze series of motocarts. This
took us completely by surprise, since it was almost accepted as given that she
hates men. Perhaps she feels more warmly to his bulging moneypurse. Of
course, we wish them well.
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Batboy Born to Vampire Victim 
Detillda Franc, wife of architect Larango Franc, gave birth to a deformed
baby boy last Tuesday. She claims that she first suspected being with child
the day after she claims she was attacked by a vampire near the factory
district of town. Our sources claim that she conspires with demons, so we
have completely discredited the idea. It is just too bad that public burnings
for consorting with demons was outlawed last year. Of course, we leave the
reader to make up his own mind on such matter. We just aren't the pushy types
here at the Alexander Times, and are full supporters of a fool's right to think
what they may.
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